Just wanted to share..

Have you ever felt so discouraged that you started doubting if something you wanted REALLY bad was ever going to happen? Ok --- I was that discouraged on Tuesday afternoon. I had spoken to our caseworker and while she's really sweet and I honestly feel like she does truly want for us to get a baby almost as bad as we do, she's not really the best at making me feel better. I actually usually feel worse after I talk to her because she usually tells me that they are really busy and have lots of pending matches but no one is looking at our profile anytime soon. ( ok she doesn't say it like that but that's the jist of it!) Anyways this was my day on Tuesday and I was in a foul mood! When I got into my car to go home I was praying that God would help me get out of my funk and let it all go and give it all to him. I pulled out of my work parking lot and onto a side street and out of the corner of my eye I see this man on the side of the road holding a cross. Yes a CROSS! I had to do a triple take on this one! It was a huge cross about the size I would imagine that Jesus carried the day he died for our sins! I have no idea who this guy was or why he was on the side of the road carrying a cross ( or even if it was a real cross and not something that just kindof resembled a cross), but I KNOW without a doubt that God put him there to remind me that he will carry all of the weight of this world if we will just let him!!!! I haven't told anyone about that until now but I just felt like I needed to share that. I've given it all to him and am just going to try to enjoy my life and not be discouraged. He WILL provide for us and he has a plan for our lives. Hopefully this might help someone else who is feeling discouraged and disheartened right now!!!!

Faith

Honestly without faith, I know without a doubt that I would not be able to get through this process!! We just had our 3rd failed match this past weekend. It wasn't truly a failed "match" but it was really close and hurts just as much! I am sad of course but have really been thinking about Faith and what it really means to have Faith in God thru the bad times. Faith is easy when things are going well, but when it really matters is when you are going through hard times. This morning one of my devotions was this:

On this day, God wants you to know 

... that faith is exactly what it takes to get through uncertainty. Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!

Perfect huh? :) I pray that our time will be soon but most importantly I pray for God's Will to be done!!! ( and also some patience to get me through! :)). Here are a few bible verses that I love that are about faith.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)


Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 28-31)


Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," delares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." (Jeremiah 29:11-14)

Another failed match.. :(

Yep we had another failed match last week. It all happened really fast and we didn't even tell anyone about it until it had already failed. We got a call last Monday evening from our Caseworker. They had a birth-mom who had given birth to a little boy on July 6th. We were told to be cautious as she had not called our agency until the previous Friday so they didn't know much about her and couldn't say one way or the other what they thought she would end up doing. Anyways we got the call on Thursday afternoon that she had decided to place the baby with a doctor at the hospital. We of course are sad again but we know God still has a plan. Luckily this time, we did not meet her or the baby so it's been a little easier than the last time. It is still hard though!!! Hopefully the next one will be the one for us!!!!!!

Networking....

I spoke with our caseworker yesterday and she said they really don't have any birthmothers at the moment who haven't already picked families that are due before Fall. :( That got me thinking that maybe I should try "networking." I honestly don't know where to start or how to "network." I've heard about other people finding "situations" thru facilitators, attorney's, etc. I am thinking about just looking around. It can't hurt I suppose! :) Our fees with our agency are a lot lower than most so I'm not sure I'd even find anything we can afford but at least I'll feel like I'm doing something! If anyone reading this has any suggestions on "networking" please let me know! Our family & friends all already know about our adoption journey so that isn't a networking option really.

Sadness...

Well it's been a while since I've posted and a lot has happened. We were supposed to meet the birthparents that choose us on June 7th. We got a call on June 6th that the birthmother was in labor and at the hospital. She wanted to meet us before the baby was born so we rushed down to the hospital. We met her, the birthfather, her mother, her sister, & her best friend. They were very nice and we really enjoyed getting to know them! The baby was born about 1 1/2 hours later while we sat anxiously in the waiting room. We got to visit with them more afterwards and got to see him. He had some medical issues and was on a feeding tube so we couldn't hold him. He was 5lbs 9.3oz and was 17.5 in long. He was 4 weeks early! We went back down the next morning and visited with the birthparents and got to see the baby a little more that day. They were supposed to sign the papers the next morning. We got the call around lunch that they had decided to parent. :( We were devastated as we had already bonded not only with the baby but also with them.

The past week has been hard but we know that God has a plan and are trusting in him! We learned a lot from the experience and hope they learned something from meeting us as well! We are praying for them and the baby. He had to have surgery when he was 2 days old. We did get word that he made it through surgery ok and should go home in about another week. We are happy for them and hope everything continues to go well!

Now we are back to waiting again. :( As you know, I'm not good with waiting so this idea has been very hard for me. I think the worst part now is that Motherhood, something I've waited for so long for was so close and then it was taken from me and although I know I will eventually be a Mommy, not knowing when that will happen is very hard for me! I know that it will get easier as the time passes and I just hope I can keep myself busy enough to keep my mind from dwelling on it!

We are matched!!!!

We got the call around 12 p.m. today! We have been matched with an expectant mom who is due July 15th with a baby boy! We are beyond excited. I can't even explain how surreal it feels. It has definitely been a wonderful yet strange day! :) I can't wail until July!!!! We are going to meet the expectant mother on June 7th. I can't wait to meet her and just hope she likes us in person!!!!!

Lazy Saturday's are the BEST!

Don't you just love the weekend? Especially when you can be lazy and do absolutely NOTHING if you want? I know hopefully we won't have many more of these but they sure are nice for now! :) I especially need it after the week I had! It was crazy at work this week. We didn't have computers for 1 1/2 days which made the crazy week even worse. Luckily I survived!

On Tuesday morning, I got an email from our caseworker about a baby that was already born and in need of a home. Everything about the situation was perfect except 1 thing. I won't go into details for privacy reasons but it was really hard to not respond to the email! :( It was such a surreal moment though getting that email. I didn't realize how it would affect me. She did find a wonderful home so I felt much better after hearing that! I also heard from our caseworker that they have been a little busier with birthmothers lately so hopefully we will hear something soon!!!